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About Clovistopsconer

“I am a film negative; your perceptions of me are none less than a variety of alternative processes…”

For as long as I can remember, coping with struggles of detachment and dissociation  with myself (and the universe) has been a challenge. I have always questioned what I was seeing, the purpose of life, and the validity of what I was feeling. Perception and the idea in which we all perceive things differently has been one in which I find both curious and frustrating at the same time. For someone who has trouble with verbal expression and communication, perception can and often does work as a detriment. This is especially true when your mind is not “normal”. It is then that a certain level of sophistication is required to translate what is going on in the brain out into the world; a level of sophistication I am lacking verbally. The incapacity to speak my intents, to be misunderstood constantly, to me is like hell. An isolated hell. Creation of analog photography is an escape, and an endeavor into the depths of my own soul and headspace. The development of film and hand production of silver gelatin and cyanotype prints leave me alone in the darkroom for extended amounts of time; it is there in which I find moments of peace and understanding. 

These photographs speak a language in which I cannot do so effectively with my words, simulating moments of extreme emotional distress, vulnerability, and discomfort with brief glimpses of hope and light. These images serve as a visual diary, or in other words, are an insight into my mind. My use of self-portraiture in combination with physical manipulation to negatives, splatters of emulsion, and tears and cuts to the surface of paper printed on allow for my emotions to speak without the means for words. Use of the hand and the physical self during both the photography and printmaking processes bring me closer to my work and establish it as an actual part of myself; a part in which I often inflict violence. Repetition and the recurrence of imagery throughout my work reinforce my occupancy with this violence and these anxieties.  Process is perhaps the most important component of my work, which is not to be mistaken for technique. While both technique and process pertain to physical engagement with the work, process is specific to the time, place, and spirit in which the work is created opposed to the “goodness” of it. The use of large format photography is employed as it forces me to slow the process down. Nothing is rushed, allowing for actual embodiment of the moment itself to manifest itself in camera

Experimental processes and physical manipulation to imagery challenge ideas of perception and actuality. As an analog photographer, in the simplest form, a photograph is taken, and a negative is produced. How the negative is utilized post-production will determine the way in which the image is perceived. When you start crossing these processes, perception becomes more distorted and the original image begins to decompose and muddle, though in actuality the basis of the image is no different than it was from the beginning.

In life I am a film negative; and your perceptions of me are none less than a variety of alternative processes, both ugly and pretty. I put myself through these processes as well, so watch me as I decompose. Because I am. 

Masters in Studio Arts from Fresno State University 
Clovistopsconer LLC